Wednesday, 28 November 2007

Meeting the Parents!!!

God!!!!!!!!! I had never imagined me meeting my soulmate's parents for the first time would give a brat like me the jitters of a lifetime! Being a totally independent lass, I had almost forgotten that when you love someone, its ok to relax and be a bit flexible in life... I was soooooo nervous regarding my first meeting with my boyfriend's parents because I am actually head over heels in love with him and to completely love someone also includes having unbiased feelings against his or her family if you have never met them. The meeting was pleasant enough because I thankfully didn't open my yappy mouth a lot and fortunately, I wasn't being X-rayed like an object that could walk and talk. I am not great with my tea skills but on this particular day, I must admit that I ended up in making a black and bitter disaster in the name of tea! My dear mom couldn't help sermonising me on how girls like me who think we are the brand ambassadors of independence bring embarassment to our ownselves when we can't even make a decent cup of tea for the family! I can't imagine the thoughts that must have run through his parents's minds...Nevertheless, they were really kind and gulped it down somehow and were not vocal about how pathetic it probably tasted. Well, it was my nervousness that I can happily put the blame on for now but for how long can I hide under the covers of nervousness? I'm blessed with really kind parents in law who don't judge me for the way I cook because had that been the case, my relation with them would have been very bitter, just the way I cook food :)
Its still very scary to think that at the age of 26, I can make gross blunders with my tongue in nervousness and hands as well. So much for being arrogant enough to think that certain things would never affect me. At times I really wonder if we know ourselves as well as we think we do!!! Still, I think I fared much better than Ben Stiller did for a first meeting with "The Parents"...I hope I am right!!!!!!

Sunday, 25 November 2007

Being a GIRL....

Being a girl is the worst thing that can happen to an individual. If I ever get to know I am pregnant with a girl child, I will kill myself that very day only. I have never hated being a female in my life till now. My parents have borne 3 daughters, hats off to them. I wonder what the parents of a male child think when a son is born in their family. Does it make them superior in an instant? Does it give them a right to hurt someone's feelings without even thinking twice? I think that it is every Indian parent's right who has a male child to show their superiority in one form or the other. Why do we make our lives so complicated? Is it human nature to give importance to your feelings and only yours before anyone else's??? If yes, then why in the world did my parents never think of teaching me to put SELF before everything else? I feel sorry for the parents of females in India for despite having dignified lives of their own, they are ultimately at the mercy of others. A discussion with a close confidante revealed that if you have sisters, your sister does not have a right to her own decisions and all decisions regarding even her life must be taken by the man who is her brother in law! How ironical can life get? Is it a threat to a male's ego if the females in his family make their own decision? If a girl child's father can give her the sense of an indivuality, why can't some men just ACCEPT it??? I AM IN A RAGE OF EMOTIONS....The result of some recent happenings is that I feel that the girl child should never be born.............

Sunday, 4 November 2007

Marriage...the 'uh-ranged' way!

The Indian Society has always been proud of its culture and the different ways of life that exist there. Marriage is one of the most sacred relations to a true Indian's heart. It is believed and emphasized upon continously that there is just one life partner for everyone who is your true soulmate not just in your present life, but in the past and the unknown future ones as well.
Its a good thing I feel, that the concept of single partner and loyalty is very much a part of an Indian's upbringing. The question which arose to my mind is that if marriage ties into a bond with your soulmate, then how is religion, race, colour and even caste a basis to decide that. A lot of my friends have justified some of the above mentioned factors to me by saying, its really hard to adjust in another culture or another religion and even a caste as the traditions are really different. If a lot of factors for convenience are supposed to determine what is termed as your life partner, isn't it being hypocritical? If your soulmate is defined in terms of his degree, religion, job, status, is he really a soulmate in this case? Obviously one cannot marry a beggar on the streets or a heroin addict unless you chose to identify yourself with such people but why is it that people choose to constrict their outlook in seeking a life partner. Some of my dearest friends are in the process of choosing their life partners and some of them will not even consider interacting with a person who doesn't belong to the same community. How about the good persons in life they might be missing in this instance? As it is, I feel really miserable about the whole idea of a groom's family coming to check out the girl and based on just one meeting, deciding whether she will be fit to settle in their family or not. Its a disgrace and a real blow to the girl's self respect. Do parents really think how girls feel after any Tom, Dick or Harry just observes them for a few minutes and rejects her just because she might not have appealed to his hungry eyes? Where does the big talk about soulmate vanish in that case? If the girl rejects a man, God save her in the Indian Society. Labeling her for having an independent mindset is a very minor thing, there are heaps of other ideas that are drilled into her head. None of them actually convey to her that its ok to take your time and decide on your life partner. Since the horoscopes matched, this was THE man for you and now since you have rejected him, God knows what calamity will strike the family! One of my very dear male friends once told me how he had decided on marrying someone outside his caste and when the girl backed out, he was heartbroken. There was another girl who would have given up the world for him and she was a friend of his too, yet he chose to act blind to her feelings for him and the justification he gave to her and himself was, she was from another religion and his parents would be very upset. Maybe I am too radical in my opinions but it made me wonder that so many of us are ready to lead a farce because we are not gutsy enough to deal with the challenges of life. This friend of mine knew he adored this girl and that if there was anyone he could be at ease with in life, it was her and yet, he admitted to her he would rather live with a woman his parents chose because he didn't want a partner from another religion.Although he had never believed in the idea of an arranged marriage, he finally subjected himself to giving in to it to avoid the hardships he would have had to face to be with her... Such is life! Marriage is really a long term commitment which takes in a lot of mutual efforts to be successful. Unless and until you really live with a person, you can never know what your tolerance levels for each other are. I feel sorry for the girls who end up in getting divorced in less than a month of marriage because the guy suddenly realizes he still loves his ex girlfriend. What a loser! Its a nightmare for anyone and if the girl does the same to a guy, the reaction she earns is a lot more nastier than what the guy gets! Gender biased, aren't we??? Will the numerous gaps of hypocrisy in life ever lessen??? My confused mind still wonders!

Saturday, 15 September 2007

Domestic Violence and Abuse

Despite the Aussie government making so many efforts to curb violence against women in Australia, it still persists in reality. Working in a dental clinic, I had the opportunity of witnessing the extent to which domestic violence exists in real life. There was this very smart and good looking young woman of South African origin who came in as a patient. She is born and brought up here so the issue of less exposure to her rights is not what came to my mind. She had a bruised face and had a complaint of one of her front teeth shaking a bit and changing in colour. If anyone amongst the readers of this entry happens to be a dentist, you will obviously think of a grave traumatic injury that has occurred to the tooth. What pinched me was that this young lady simply said that she hit herself on the face by a glass when her husband was around and that is how she ended up bruising herself on the cheek, not because of anyone else, but because of her own clumsiness...Having seen her bruise personally, I felt it looked more of an injury owing to a serious bash on the face.
What struck me was that she expected the doctor to buy her story. Why is it that women choose to silently suffer agony and pain especially when it comes to abuse of any kind? Here I was facing a young woman, extremely smart in appearance and her mannerisms were not suggestive that she could be a bored housewife. She had dropped on her way back from work so the possibility that she really had to be dependent on the guy for finances was not convincing enough for me to fall for it.
In a country like Australia, where even the public toilets display helpline numbers for help against violence, lack of awareness is not an issue like I pointed it out earlier. Why must a person like her be compelled to take abuse as a normal part of life?
Victims of Domestic Violence tend to become abusers themselves. Its a really sad thing that what impacts a child's mind during the years in which he is growing up will definitely influence his thought process and bias his mind. If the mother is not strong enough to say no to a violent father, how will the child cope with it? He or she will end up into drug and alcohol abuse for no fault of his. Or maybe, start identifying himself or herself as a gay or a lesbian...Yes, there are zillions of ways to handle the issue on a large scale but on a personal level, what is the contribution that you and I choose to make to such things? Ignore them? Or brag about womens liberation movements especially in places where no one really seems to care about them? In India, it is taught to a girl child to submit and give in. It is only very recently that the concept of a marital rape has started entering the minds of people in India. Yet, I am sure, there are hardly any women who stand up and say no to a man when they want in a relationship especially if it is marriage...The ugly realities of life go on every single day, why do we act so blind to them? I wish I knew...

Tuesday, 11 September 2007

Missisipi Masala

As I was watching one of my old favourite films, something in me urged me to write about it today. Missisipi Masala is a film I love for it celebrates love even amidst the ugly realities of life. To be attracted to a darker skinned man is not a big deal yet few of us would readily admit to being with one for the rest of our lives...I'm not biased just because this film had Denzel Washington showing his perfectly chiseled ass off in it although it could contribute a very small bit to it! It is true that when Indians migrate to different countries, they do try and be as much a part of the new cultures as much as their conservative minds can permit. It is also ironical that when their kids take the initiative of standing upto their decisions, they are made to face a lot of opposition. What is it with virginity and Indian parents? One should follow a one partner policy but not because it is supposed to be that way or because that is the only way they have known or seen in life. Ethics and moral values should be preached and inculcated in ones offspring for the correct reasons and not just merely for age old traditions that have been blindly followed. Unless we can even speak our minds without any kind of a fear, how is the pseudo cocoon we live in going to break away???
Walking down the busy streets of Melbourne I see so many faces which have INDIAN literally engraved on them. Since I am also an Indian, many times its just brought me glares from the girls and "why is this girl walking alone" looks from the blokes. If we ourselves get so put off by the appearances of our fellow countrymen, I can't imagine the plight of people from other nations! Then we claim that the fair skinned are racists towards us...Ironical isn't it?

Monday, 27 August 2007

Senior Citizens

Just wondering to myself, why is it that as time passes by, individuals lose respect for senior citizens? Most of them are treated like shit or unwanted pieces of furniture. Its not necessary that each one of us gets to even live to the age category of being called the senior citizens, so why must we look down upon most of them? If they are a nuisance to the society, so will we be someday...

Sunday, 13 May 2007

Teacher

Faith in life is a big thing for me.After all,I am human too. For all the lessons about life I thought I had learned, I had to be proved wrong yet another time...
What do you term a person who is a staunch atheist, believes that everything is humanely possible without relying upon any superior power with UTMOST conviction, who sees the world as just another form of art and whose humour is totally contagious? In my case, these are the adjectives that describe a person whom I have come to love and respect as my friend and confess all the disasters i end up in all the time. As a firm believer of the supernatural, it is very interesting to argue with a staunch atheist. I learnt to view life in a more logical manner and never once felt it necessary to become one. For me as a soul,belief in life and myself was restored only because of a supernatural power that I have never seen but felt many times.A strong believer in the karmic theory of life, I wonder what karma my teacher did to have me as his disciple and vice versa! Lessons I learnt after having crossed the first quarter of my life are
  • Never be judgemental,
  • Rely upon yourself first,
  • Learn to forgive,
  • Unless negativities are thrown away, positivities will not have much room to enter,
  • Life is beautiful,
  • There are men around who do not view women as sex objects and who know that breasts are not the only thing in a female body,
  • Believe in love,
  • Sharing your life with the one you love is precious,
  • Being broke is joyous if you have each other,
  • Don't break anyone's heart,
  • Live with dignity and take pride in being yourself,
  • Being a woman is a gift,ENJOY EVERY MINUTE of it...

Its such an irony that most of them were taught to me by him within a span of a few months.I think I'm lucky to have the man I adore and love as my life partner and my teacher. Maybe its a boring read to a strangers eyes but for a shattered soul and a vagabond who found her anchor in the most unexpected friend, it is a blessing in every sense to be able to love life again...

Being Broke

Ever since I was in hostel I don't think there have been those moments of glory where you are so broke financially that you submit yourself to the horrendous task of even enjoying hostel food!As a post grad student in a foreign land, it feels really different to be broke this time...
Not that I am starving and begging for even grub, its just that I have got a really limited number of resources to count on for a while.How did I deal with it in my under grad years and how am I coping with it now???Shame on me when I think of it,for even in the worst of the crisis that I could have faced then,I was never unhappy.Look at what age does to you.....Now that I have a greater list of opportunities to rely upon in the form of self dependence, instead of enjoying this struggle, I am doing one of my favourite things...Yeah,I'm holding God responsible for it :)
Poor God,I can't imagine being in His/Her shoes.My lover,my soulmate and the greatest bundle of joy in my life has been trying to patiently tolerate my temper tantrums and a hell lot of mood swings.I'm just wondering,is age inversely proportional to sanity? I hope not for I can't bear to think of the vast years ahead then!!!