Saturday, 30 October 2010

Reading Mania

A new reading mania has overtaken me off late. I realized that it is the best way to keep my mind occupied. What is the use of thinking what if everyday? Que Sera Sera... new motto in life :) There are so many things I want to do next year, let's see if it materialises or not. Are some people really good planners or plain lucky??? Too many thoughts in my head. What about spiritual evolution? What about those stuck in flashy lifestyles and their materialistic outlook towards life? What about my plans? Why do I suddenly feel that time is just rushing by??? There is so much to do and so little time and to top it, I tend to get stressed easily. So I have found anew way to prevent myself from de-stressing- read more, physically indulge in a lot of activities and when the time comes, deal with things at that moment :)
Going a bit off track, I quite enjoyed Eat, Pray, Love partly coz I do identify myself with Liz in it to a very great extent. Will I wander off into the same pattern or will I remain anchored to my present life? Only time will tell...

Sunday, 19 September 2010

Venting......

I never knew I was capable of hating someone until I came across you in life. Thank you. I hate you and no, I don't regret it. A hypocrite like you does not deserve any attention from me then why do I bother myself to listen to the rubbish coming out of your mouth? A poisonous and venomous mind is what you have been cursed with in life. So be it. Live with it, I feel sorry for people like you and take pity on people like you because your mind is incapable of loving without any expectations. I feel sorry that you were gifted with a human life and this is how you lived your life...

Saturday, 18 September 2010

Sex Slavery - A Disturbing Area

I saw an online video on TED about Sex Slavery in India and Sunitha Krishnan who is fighting it. Learning about how young some of the victims are made me weep. My heart goes out to those children who become victims of sexual abuse and rape. Sunitha quoted finding a child whose intestines had fallen out because she had been raped so much and she was just 4 years old. How SICK can some men get in their lives and heads? Reading and hearing about incidents like these makes me wonder is there really a God? If yes, then why are the culprits not caught and get away with these things? What is this obsession with sex and some perverted men that they will go to any extent to satisfy a few moments of lust? In married life also, women are raped and if the husband ever learns that the wife thinks this way, a whole new conflict follows. Why is it so easy for men to get away with raping or sexually violating someone??? It really angers me and I don't know how can I make a difference. I used to think that by openly talking about sexual abuse I was educating some of my male friends. Little did I know that I would be so disappointed on one account by one of them. When I was in India, I had read about foreign nationals who were actually pedophiles coming and pretending to be teachers in India (esp Southern India) and was so disgusted. Since that time which was 6-7 years ago, I have heard innumerable disturbing accounts of child rapes in India being done by Indian men, in many cases, the ones who are known to the victim. Is there any way that I can help other than getting frustrated? I feel so helpless and at this stage, the only way that I can help is by making small financial contributions. Till I know I made a difference to at least 1 life, I will not get peace of mind. Meanwhile, the unrest in my heart continues...

Monday, 16 August 2010

Dammit.....

Am keeping up with just about everything on my list except for drinking my herbs :(

Saturday, 14 August 2010

Quick Word

HAve missed out on the following too:
* Drinking herbs

* Entering my progress in my blog daily

It's not good, need to catch up on the above. Am very tempted to write a strong article on sexual molestation, I will do so and publish it soon...

How am I doing with my challenge?

I think I am doing pretty good. I weighed myself recently and was thrilled to see that my weight has dropped to 61.40 kgs and that brought a BROAD smile on my face :) Haven't been able to chant since 2 days but at least the yoga has been uninterrupted so far ! Yay ! I planted 3 different types of seeds in various plants. Only one variety is showing signs of sprouting but my hopes are still on for the other 2 :) Settling down a bit in Townsville but still miss Port Douglas like hell... A funny incident happened recently, I had to get an early morning blood test done since I was supposed to be fasting for it but thinking that Aamir Khan was chatting live, I missed the appointment only to realise after Gill reprimanded me that it was a video recording that was playing :D
So much for my love for Aamir Khan !

Wednesday, 11 August 2010

the days of my marathon r continuing...

My countdown is still on but my blogging updates have been minimal owing to me keeping busy with some important and some unimportant stuff :) I'm really getting hooked on to yoga as I can see its effects on my body a lot. Chanting is also on an almost daily basis. I'm just wondering if I should weigh myself just to see how far I get with my mission of weight loss ! I suddenly feel very lonely, no friends whom I can really consider as friends. Maybe I over expect from people, and maybe I am led to do so ! Whatever the reason is, I am the one dealing with the consequences, so maybe I should just take everything in my stride & MOVE ON....

Thursday, 5 August 2010

Day 1 of record keeping :)

Did most of the things, had a really tiring day, couldn't chant for more than 10 minutes... sigh but overall I'm happy that I did tick most of the items on my checklist ! The only thing that I haven't been able to do is read my book :) Just realized that I am able to type without looking at the keyboard !!!!! Ok ! Point made ! That's all for today- KISS * Keeping it short and simple*

Wednesday, 4 August 2010

My new 1 month " Look After Myself" Marathon

Starting a marathon about looking after my own self. I know many people think I am very selfish but my own self is what I have always ignored and put as last. So now, I am promising this to myself and putting it down in writing so that I can come to my own page and remind myself of this challenge I have set upon myself (in case I lose vision & track of what I was supposed to do). Things to do everyday (some things r exempted from it) :
* Yoga - For a number of reasons including skin, hair & weight

* Chanting - My own Buddhist pillar of strength

* Eat Healthy - Cut down on sweet things and fried food too( not that I eat heaps but remind myself that it will not do me any good if I get tempted)

* Experiment with seafood at least once a week- This started with yesterday's effort of prawn with couscous

* Feel sexy - Very important since I have totally lost my old self

* Straighten my hair every-time I was wash it

* Read 1 book every week - Have started with the autobiography of Benazir Bhutto

* Remember to water my plants :)

* Maintain a neat house - So far, I am doing fairly well on this account

* Meditate

* Drink my herbs !

If I am able to live through this self created marathon, I will be a totally different person and I think I will like the new me... Everyday for 1 month, I am going to enter how things went for me today....
Good luck Kiki :)

Friday, 9 July 2010

Bondage- When did I submit in to thee?

For all my ideas about my freedom of thought & expression about myself, I cannot truly express my opinion publicly on so many people. It is simply because I am a victim of emotional bondage... I fear too much what the other person(s) will think if I truly am able to state my opinon. There would be a conflict of interests in just about every spehere of my life then ! Am I such a difficult person to deal with? I wouldn't like to think so but I get affected by people and my surroundings easily. When I try not to, I feel like a pressure cooker all the more. Today, I feel as if I have too much of energy in me, to much of venom waiting to be spit out but it's not going to happen ! It shouldn't because I need to learn the (f)art of diplomacy. Being honest is not good on many occaisons and what I am going through as a result of being honest is definitely not good. People are not able to treat you like a (normal) person and that makes you wonder out aloud," Where did I go wrong?" I went wrong many times. I hurt too many people in hoisting my flag of honesty and supporting the truth. I do realize it but the part that saddens and amazes me so much is that I would be the same way even if time were to turn back...That is how thick skinned in the head I am :) When did principles get engraved on my mind so much? I wonder and just as I was wondering, I had this thought to myself : I just support the truth and what I percieve as right, does this make me so wrong :)

Sunday, 27 June 2010

Wings.....

Its been ages since I last logged in ! Haven't even completed my series of Varun & Gill's Queensland adventures !Sigh, laziness-somehow I can never get enough of you ! Off late, a lot has been happening in my personal life, no, it's definitely not hormonal and I'm not dreading turning 30 even a wee bit...Somethings are too personal to be put down in a public profile but not personal enough to make you pen down what life teaches you....It's time for another move and Gill and I are exhausted at our fantasy of exploring Australia !!! This time, we have decided one thing very gladly-to live like hippies with minimal basic needs :) Anyway, coming back to the title of this post. "Wings" I feel I have been let go and for a while, I was struggling to feel the tender touch of hands which were probably a symbol of my captivity, a captivity that did not allow me to break rules and follow my heart. Now that it's gone, I suddenly feel I miss it !!!! Why is life so hard if you want to be yourself? Is being yourself so hard that people choose to live a farce??? I chose not to and it has always led me into trouble but this time, the pain is the worst...What do you do when you have been held a captive and then without any sign of any kind, you are let go off??? The fluttering of wings in panic, the palpitations in the heart as you struggle to analyse what's going on and what did you do to deserve it take quite a while....Is this the price you pay for having been harmless? You are suddenly homeless !!!! Thankfully, by the time reality hits you, you realize, oh yes, I've got wings, and I can still spread them out and fly...So yes, I'm going to spread my wings and fly away with my sweetheart to a land where only love is bred (& bread)........Let the sun shine through the clouds, that's all I care for now................

Wednesday, 24 February 2010

Road Trip Adventures of Gill and Varun Part 1

Starting tonight with this series, let's see how long it takes to complete it ! Having recently moved to Port Douglas, I have been going through a lot of good thoughts in mind. Humour is back in my life and this series is dedicated to these 2 maharathis who braved nearly 4000 kms for an "adventure" they were craving. Since I did not want to prove to my dear husband that marriage kills the adventure in life,I gave in to this crazy idea of his ! The trip started at 3:40 am from Melbourne at Hume Highway. We (my friend whose husband was equally crazy to join Mr. Gill; and I) were told they would be starting at around 5 am. We should have known then not to trust these 2 guys together! They crossed Victoria to enter New South Wales within 6 hours or so and one the first day of the road trip, they actually managed to cover 1700 kms. Varun managed to kill heaps of lizards, some birds, an animal they have know idea what it was and did not feel guilty I think ! Well, they managed to drive on and enter into the adventurous state of Queensland. That is where all the TRUE ADVENTURES started. They will continue tomorrow night....

Friday, 15 January 2010

This one is for your my dear friend...

This one is for you:-
Many unsaid words, many understood feelings, many happy moments and many painful emotions...Have we not been through them as friends??? Crazy acts we did, false hopes we had, accusations we never made, hurt we must have caused, the one thing that never faded though was the idea of you being there my friend... We got married to different people, just to be fair to ourselves and our lives we decided to move on Now when I think back, what did we decide to move on from? Did having each other as friends with whom we could completely be ourselves mean we would be dishonest to our partners? I know it was me who took the decision but today when I look back, I am glad I evolved into this person who can look back and say, I wouldn't need to do that today. I know I did it for my own selfish reasons, to be able to devote myself completely to one person. Yet, never once did I think of what you thought of it...I know you are not insensitive and if I hurt you then, I am sorry. I am sorry for what I did, I am sorry for the insecurities I had about my beloved sweetheart here, I am sorry I thought I will forget. How can you forget one of your best friends? A friend u r proud of? A friend u can hate and love at the same time and yet, who doesn't really care? You can't! At least I couldn't and I do not regret it...

Saturday, 2 January 2010

Disappointed in you

I am so disappointed in you...It just proves I can never COMPLETELY trust you EVER.Thank you for this realization in the New Year. Thank you so much.